Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"Looking Over the Shoulder" Love

Welkome to Just GQ!  Staying consistent with the “just friends” series; today’s topic is one that I have often encountered as almost an equal amount females occupy my friend base as their male counterparts, so please forgive me if my message seems..let’s see how should I put this..strongly inspired.  Before I begin, while I speak from one outlook, the sexes in these roles are interchangeable because this scenario applies to EVERYONE! 

All too often, during the phase in which two intrigued parties begin to interact more regularly with the purpose of establishing a foundation for exclusivity, true selves remain concealed in an effort to present only the favorable characteristics.  This conscious action draws strong parallels to that of a job interview; the normally sloppy man fixes himself up as if everyday his clothes, shoes, and hair stop traffic when that is, simply, not the case. 

When we identify someone we want, people frequently either play the role of the corporation or the interviewee.  The corporation asks questions to gain information, seemingly, to achieve clarification on the capacity for compatibility with the interviewee. The interviewee, on the other hand, answers the questions and at times walks a tight rope in hopes of obtaining the offer to occupy the position of significant other, concealing their personalities’ unattractive qualities during the process.

More specifically, the negative trait of jealousy, which resides to some extent in all people (whether admitted or otherwise), showcases weakness, uncertainty, and insecurity, and we, usually, attempt to avoid this trait and/or the people possessing a high level of it.  I use the adverb “usually” tactfully, as it conveys our desire to steer clear of this trait but only in a partial manner, because at times jealousy draws people in, rather than pushing them away.  Commonly, people confuse jealous behavior with loving behavior, but KNOW THIS!  Controlling does NOT mean caring! STOP RE-READ! Ok. Let’s continue.

Now that we have all the ingredients, it is time to make the sandwich.  Tammy and Terrell recently made their relationship official, and they have enjoyed their time together thoroughly thus far.  Tammy and her friend, Steve, possess a strong friendship that, while attraction exists, has remained completely innocent.  Steve and Terrell know of one another, and Terrell knows that Tammy cherishes her friendship with Steve, though, quite frankly, he does not like his lady interacting with another man.  Steve clearly knows Tammy well as their friendship has stretched over many years and thrived through previous boyfriends and girlfriends, which makes Terrell feel insecure of his ability to mentally stimulate and satisfy Tammy in comparison to her history with Steve.  Terrell has suppressed his jealous trait to this point, but constant feelings of inequity consume him, compelling him to forbid the friendship of Tammy and Steve.  This puts Tammy in an awkward position to choose: a potentially serious relationship or the true friendship of Steve.

At what point does it make logical sense to appease the obvious jealous insecurities of your significant other through the dismissal of friendships, which you hold dear?  In the example above, do you think Terrell is justified in his jealousy, even though, Steve has been nothing but a gentleman from the start of the friendship, giving no indication of a need to worry?  Is it fair for Terrell to force Tammy to choose, instead of respecting the importance of the friendship to Tammy? 

This unfortunate situation obviously suggests taking a loss for Tammy, but would it be better for her to honor the wishes of Terrell or remain loyal to her long-lasting friendship with Steve?  Here is the food for thought.  Relationships between younger, unsettled people do not last for long periods of time on a regular basis, whereas friendships can be established early and survive a lifetime.  Think about your friends and you.  Think about the number of exes you have and how much you talk to them currently.  Would you trade true friendship, which is so rare in today’s society, for a year or so in a relationship, one in which you may stop talking to him at the conclusion?  I am not saying relationships do not last, so PLEASE do not mistake my message for a cynical one because a number of girls honor these requests of their jealous men and find happiness resulting in engagements and marriage. What I am saying is weigh your options realistically.  Besides, best friends make the best spouses.

Thank you, yet again, for checking in the GAME with the Just GQ blog.  I truly appreciate it.  As always, feel free to leave comments and questions under this entry or hit  Stay tuned to Just GQ!

Sidebar: I want to encourage ALL of you to buy Drake’s debut album, “Thank Me Later”.  It truly goes hard, and you should NOT be disappointed!

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