Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Past Is The Past, Right?

Intelligent? Check. Attractive? Check. Go-er? Hmm.. What exactly is promiscuity? How does one define how many is too many? Does a relationship negate the label? What if he/she is a serial monogamist? Hmm..

Because of this fluid definition, interpretations vary greatly, but one thing that remains constant is if someone fits your mold, they have probably fit someone else’s at an earlier time.  Translation: Everyone is someone’s former ___________ (fill in the blank). In my travels, I have observed that women are frequently more understanding of this unavoidable fact than their male counterparts, who shudder to think that, in a lady’s 20+ years on earth, someone could have possibly been in their position (negating the fact that various other females have been in hers).

Sidebar. And this is REALLY random!  I am on a plane right now, and I must say that I think first class is one of THE most ridiculous scams to extract more money from passengers. Slightly larger, slightly more cushioned seats, a cut bedsheet to separate you from the “common folk”, and all of these not-so-great features equal $150 added to your already expensive ticket?! No, thank you. Do you know how much stuff you can get with $150?! (Exhales.) Thanks for listening.  Now, back to the post.

Along with the aforementioned fact of previous employment (former whomever), comes comparison and eventual competition.  No one wants to be second or indistinct, unmemorable, etc., and thus, pop culture addresses the topic with songs like Trey Songz, “Does He Do It” and Kanye West’s, “Blame Game”, just to name a couple.  Everyone wants to be better than the past, constantly competing with the ghosts of relationship past. At the conclusion of “Blame Game”, Chris Rock performs a simulated conversation with a previous lover with whom he has reconvened for a second go round, after an affair with West. When Rock inquires about her vast improvements in various aspects of their relationship, she continuously responds with, “Yeezy taught me.”  Now, speaking as a proud man, this would be a NIGHTMARE for any self-respecting man; to be constantly reminded of another man being in your place.  Drawing from my observations, the insecurities, which behavior, such as this, spawns can cause significant damage, spelling a potential end for a relationship.

So I ask, should someone’s past affect how you impact his/her future?  Should we all take on the mindset that the past is the past, we just have to move forward?  In my humble opinion, the past should carry weight as to whether, or not, one INITIALLY enters the relationship, but once a new chapter begins, the past must planted, so the future can bloom.  It is impossible to focus on and develop a new relationship while obsessing over exes, who are distant memories and hold no meaningful importance, as obsession over uncontrollable factors can cloud one’s ability to progress with the present and future.  Concern yourself with writing a NEW chapter and building NEW, unique memories!

Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Stay tuned for more posts this week! Feel free to leave your comments on the blog! God Bless! Oh, and do NOT forget to FOLLOW JUST GQ! Click the “Follow” button in your right panel!  Thanks! è è è


  1. so one of morales that i valued was that i wouldnt mess with a woman that i knew one of my dudes already did something with...didnt want sloppy seconds or even be "cock cousins"...but within the last 5 months i actually i didnt know until the deed was already done and afterwards i felt some type of way...the second one at this point i threw it out the window..but then learned some more info i didnt know before...yes you shouldnt let it ruin a future...but thats if u let it go past a certain point...the first one i was trying to build with...start a "happy" life...didnt turn out that well...

  2. First, thanks for your comment. I think your situation speaks to the portion of the post regarding evaluating feelings earlier in the affair.. You mentioned feeling some type of way after you found out, and I think if your feelings were that strong, then you could have removed yourself from the situation.