The "A" in Achievement Stands For Asterisk

I visited Old Navy in search of some light wash jeans at an affordable price (I practice smart shopping. lol), and as I continued on my search, I ran into someone I knew from my high school years in Evansville, IN (a white male, for the record). During our conversation, we filled each other in our personal progressions along with those of our mutual friends. I gained the news that one of my friends from high school, who happens to be bi-racial, recently graduated with his Masters degree in business from Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business, a top 20 U.S. institution and now works for a top global accounting firm. Big things right? In my jubilation for my friend’s accomplishments, I was interrupted by the unsolicited comment from my acquaintance with whom I was talking that simply stated an asterisk need to be placed by his success because he was “a smart black guy” (record skip—now, what now?). Initially, I paused thinking that maybe I misunderstood the comment, and just as I was about to chalk it up to not listening well, he reiterated his sentiment as calmly as saying, “It’s about 75 degrees today.”

Dumbfounded, I immediately exited before I reacted irrationally, but continuing my day, I thought to myself, “Will this mentality ever change? Is it my job to change it? Are ignorant people simply ignorant and should not be paid any mind?”

Now, a little background on myself for you. I grew up with diverse groups of people; male, female, Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, Indian, upper class, middle class, lower class (according to socioeconomic standards) and everyone in between. With that being said, I learned the arts of inclusion, acceptance, and striking common ground with others to increase comfort levels at a young age. In my interactions with different races, as the subject inevitably arises, I make sure they know I avoid racial slurs and derogatory comments so to make sure they know racism occupies no real estate in my state of mind. At NO point in time do I want my Black or non-Black friends to think that I share in any discriminatory thoughts/feelings about any ethnic group, especially, my own. I, like numerous others, have encountered racism, prejudice, discrimination, and general ignorance on a semi-regular basis since I first read the word “nigger” in a Ben Carson autobiography when I was in about the 3^rd grade.

I attempt to extract knowledge from every experience I encounter, and the ones immersed in race relations bear no exception. The presence of the aforementioned states of thought never ceases to amaze or surprise me, and perhaps, in a cynical manner of thinking, I prepare myself for true feelings of prejudice to surface sooner or later through ascending a guard of low expectations for others. As racial conflicts have arisen throughout my life, some have been resolved with words, some through other means, and some have gone unresolved. I will remind you of one of my best friends who was murdered last September in a hate crime, so if I seem sensitive to this subject, it is because I am tired. Tired of being surrounded by prejudice, racial insensitivity, and general ignorance with no desire to increase knowledge, which brings me back to yesterday.

I understand that people possess various feelings on the subject, so I would genuinely like to hear from you, the reader. What do you think? Do you feel that it is not that big of a deal? Do you feel that we, as a people, need to accept the ignorance and continue on in our pursuit of progression? Is it not our fight to fight?

Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Stay tuned for updates on the NEW JustGQ.com, as we near its launch! God Bless!

Best Foot Forward In ACTION!

Good morning, Just GQ readers! I frequent the subject of my Best Foot Forward platform, so I thought for today's FIRST blog (yes, there will be another one later on in the day), I would let you all see BFF in action! Enjoy! Also, subscribe to the Just GQ YouTube Channel for all the Just GQ vlogs AND MORE!

Late Night With The Gentleman (Vlog)

I was up on the late night tip a few nights ago, so I thought I would check in with the readers as the launch date for JustGQ.com rapidly approaches! Enjoy!

Love From Afar

Due to the nature of my childhood in which I moved semi-frequently, I learned the importance of maintaining relationships regardless of geographical location. The fact of the matter lies in that friendships possess a conditional nature of sorts, a threshold for the necessary effort. When miles, states, and sometimes oceans fill the physical gap previously occupied by maybe a few streets, some “friends” pull the “this is my stop” cord and conveniently opt out of a friendship that requires additional energy. The same holds true in the ever-controversial construct that is… (cue dramatic music “dun dun dun”)— the long distance relationship. (*collective gasp!*)

The masses speak poorly of this type of relationship because long distance relationships embody the polar opposite of convenience, the direct contrast of simplicity. Relationships within the same city or state provide difficulties within themselves – commitment, compromise, and communication, not to mention trust. When couples add complication with differing area codes, reevaluation must take place. “How valuable is this? How much effort are we willing to expend to make this work? Would we be better off just maintaining contact until we can be in the same place together?” These are only a few examples of the posed questions that need to be asked in order to properly evaluate the situation.

Now, I could paint a clean, pretty picture of flowers, clouds, and hearts with Crayola™ watercolors to depict long distance relationships, however that would NOT be Just GQ, would it? Personally, I have taken part in a number of long distance relationships, dating back to my high school years. Some of them have been positive experiences, from which lifelong friendships were born, and others crashed in flaming messes nose-diving into a sea of resentment and ruined opportunity. This unpredictable imbalance exhibits the risk potential participants in the long distance sweepstakes assume.

While I am not an expert, I have, through my experiences, acquired a bit of knowledge, and from that knowledge, I feel that I am able to identify points of emphasis to make the distance less of a factor.

Communication: As the cornerstone of general human interaction, open and honest communication situates itself in the premier position within long distance relationships. Since physical encounters may very well be limited to a few times a month, conversation serves as the new manner of regular interaction. Beyond the daily conversation, open, honest communication holds a high degree of significance because through that avenue, potential conflicts, blowups, and arguments can be mitigated to normal, calm discussion. If something bothers you, voice it, so the gripe can be addressed, resolved, and from there, progression may occur.

Quid Pro Quo: Simply said “this for that”. Concessions are not meant to be one-sided; if they are then a problem most likely exists. Identify issues MOST critical to the overall happiness of the involved parties, and resolve them through MUTUAL concessions. Remaining hung up on trivial matters and/or complaining about everything gets annoying and will not bode well for the continuation of the relationship down the road.

Maintenance/Planning: As humans, we are weak and need reminders of why we do the things we do. With that said, KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER! Nothing Almost nothing is worse than waiting 5 weeks to see someone, and they look like trash on a stick! Ladies, MAKE SURE that hair, those nails, those clothes (or lack there of) are impeccable. Fellas, keep that facial hair trimmed, the lines tight, and everything smooth. AND everyone PLEEEEASE keep those bodies together è click here to ‘get right’ (PLUG)! Make plans prior to the visit to do something fun and unique, so the visits will be memorable. These memories serve as reminders of why the involved parties got involved in the first place.

All jokes aside, relationships are difficult enough without adding unpredictable factors such as distance, but if the participants work together to make it work, there is no reason why it should not. Care, communication, and chemistry propel relationships, and regardless of location, the pillars remain the constant and viable.

Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Follow me on Twitter for updates @GQ50! JustGQ.com COMING SOON!

The Gentleman’s Wingtips to Victory

Following a 21-point demolition of the Miami Heat at the hands of the Chicago Bulls, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and surprisingly Udonis Haslem led Miami to a Game 2 victory, evening the Eastern Conference Finals at one game a piece. On the Western Conference side, the Dallas Mavericks claimed an early 1-0 lead in the series, propelled by a dynamic 48-point performance by their general Dirk Nowitzki; a performance that saw him go for an NBA record 24-24 from the charity stripe. In today’s Just GQ, I wanted to take a look at “The Gentleman’s Wingtips to Victory” in these riveting NBA Playoffs.

Miami Heat – Just GQ’s Champion

After my squads got bounced from the tournament (Celtics & Pacers; don’t judge me), I threw my support to the Miami Heat. With the Big 2 & a Possible at the helm (word to Michael Smith) of the Heat attack, I just cannot bet against them. I think in order for the Heat to acquire their first Eastern Conference crown since 2006, LeBron James and Dwayne Wade must remain consistent while receiving bench help. Last night’s game displayed the reserved energy and consequential production the Big 2 can muster when the Heat get help doing the dirty work—diving for loose balls, offensive/defensive boards, tough interior defense. Udonis Haslem’s energy and production, point, boards, and no statistical categories, allowed the Big 2 to focus on utilizing their athleticism to generate easy scoring opportunities. Continuation of this production from the other Heat members bodes well in the their quest for a championship.

Chicago Bulls

The key for the Bulls is simple. Support for, MVP, Derrick Rose. While a dynamic player and well deserving of all the recognition he receives, the Bulls cannot shut down altogether when Rose is unable to perform up to the standard fans have become accustomed to seeing, which is what occurred in Game 2. The multitude of Heat defenders thrust at Rose forced him to experience a 7-23 shooting night producing 21 points. No secret exists in acknowledging D. Rose as the Bulls’ number one option but who else? He needs a supporting cast! Boozer is inconsistent. Taj Gibson and Joakim Noah bring great energy but cannot be counted on to generate substantial amounts of points. Luol Deng’s 17 point, 6 rebound playoff average probably embodies the Bulls’ second option, however when Deng usually bears the burden of guarding one, LeBron James, is it fair to depend on him to be the only other viable option besides Rose?

Dallas Mavericks – Just GQ’s Western Conf. Pick

Behind their general, 7-foot sharp shooter Dirk Nowitzki, the Dallas Mavericks boast a host of weapons including three-point shooting powers, Jason Terry, Peja Stojakovic, and reformed point guard turned “2”, Jason Kidd. In addition to those perimeter predators, the Mavs, arguably the most complete team remaining in the Playoffs, possess energy role players, who complete the squad, in Shawn Marion, Tyson Chandler, and Jose Barea, the fearless 6-foot point guard, who complemented Nowitzki’s showing with a 21-point exhibition of his own. For the Mavs, frequently characterized as the team who cannot get over the hump, to come out of the West and potentially find themselves atop the league as champions, they must, simply, be the Dallas Mavericks. They must utilize the plentiful weapons they possess along with the abundance of experience and leadership, which fills their roster, and allow it to boost them to heights unreached in the past.

Oklahoma City Thunder

Down 1-0, the young upstart Thunder are far from out of the Western Conference Finals, however in order for them to be victorious in the WCF and perhaps further, they must mitigate the confusion over who runs the show, while still providing support to, scoring champion, Kevin Durant. Russell Westbrook, a great player—yes, needs to remember that he is, indeed, Russell Westbrook and not Derrick Rose. He also must keep near the forefront of his mind that his teammate, not adversary, is none other than the most prolific scorer in a league that houses great point producers such as Kobe Bryant and the aforementioned LeBron James. Westbrook must serve as a point guard, and by doing so, he will not need to force shots because easier scoring opportunities will come his way due to the necessary attention that must be paid elsewhere to the other Thunder scoring threats.

Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Leave your comments on the blog, and stay tuned for more posts! God Bless!

The Ultimatum

In yesterday’s post, which addressed the phenomenon, jealousy/envy, I briefly touched on the “pseudo ex”. For those of you who have not kept current with your Just GQs *cough cough*, I will redefine what I meant by the “pseudo ex” via The Big Green Monster.

Pseudo ex: “…in the new age of dating, where men and women act as though they retain either an allergy to or obsession with titles, pseudo exes describe those who serve as the “pretty much” boyfriend or girlfriend.”

So with the definition clarified, the question remains: how does someone end up a pseudo ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Well, speaking as someone with more pseudo exes than actual exes, I place titled relationships on an elevated pedestal as the majority of the population does. I believe everyone holds unique, personal conditions for which they must mentally prepare prior to voluntarily accepting the title “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. For some, the monogamy thing stands in their ways; they do not want to only be with that one person. For others, they may genuinely be focused on their professional and/or personal progression and do not want to divide that focus for someone else. Personally, while the previous two examples received significant thought and concern, my number one stipulation lies in the consideration that I am willing to give another person and whether I can increase it to a level that will be satisfactory to my mate. As I stated before, I take titled relationships seriously, so if I know that I will be unable to perform up to my standard, I respectfully decline the invitation to be someone’s boyfriend.

Now once people hear the statement of decline, usually one of three reactions will occur.

1. They ignore: People may confuse hearing “not interested” with “try harder”; easily confusable right? Sike ya’ mind. Generally speaking, the people who ignore declined invitations are proud people not used to hearing “no” or people who are truly believe that the person they are pursuing is worth humbling themselves to continue after rejection.
2. They retreat: Another reaction people exhibit is full retreat, acting as if the conversation never even occurred. Some may try to go back to the type of interaction prior to, while others may disappear and not acknowledge the person they previously pursed.
3. They befriend: The strategists befriend. They attribute the received rejection to poor timing, not knowing each other well enough, or any other circumstance that does not convey a mismatch. Those who befriend usually take it back to the drawing board and begin formulating their new strategy to win the one they desire.

As the pursuer actively subjects herself to the befriend—propose exclusivity—get rejected—re-strategize—befriend cycle in her quest for the apple of her eye, one could understand how frustration would build. At this point the title of this post becomes a pretty appealing option, as the person in pursuit clearly wants to be with the pursued party, but the pursuer begins to feel foolish in this perceived one-sided affair. At this time, something like the following dribbles from the fatigued pursuer’s lips, “Look, I’m tired of chasing you. Either we are going to be together or…”

Anything after the “or…” does not really matter, as it will most likely fall on deaf ears. Why people think this is an innovative, effective strategy baffles me. I will go ahead and say that anyone who exclusively chases for that long has my admiration because I KNOW I could never do that, but I digress. People configure the limits of other parties’ preparation and feel that after 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, they should be aptly prepared to be in an exclusive, monogamous relationship. In that exists an underlying fallacy because as a separate party, you cannot estimate another person’s prep time especially if the other party has maintained a lack of receptiveness to the idea. Presenting an ultimatum in most cases results in about a…let me see… carry the 3… a 0.03% success rate! The people who find success in forcing someone into exclusivity may find themselves getting cheated on or in a short relationship as that relationship was not where the other party wanted to be in the first place.

Speaking from experience, it is very possible to possess a desire to enter into an exclusive relationship with someone, but that desire may be deterred by poor timing, extenuating circumstances, or general emotional unpreparedness, which in waiting for its passing may extend the nonexclusive phase. We are unable to decide what is appropriate for others, so we should turn the focus to ourselves. If you feel that too much time has elapsed and you want to be elsewhere, then go. The other party has no choice but to respect your decision made in your best interest. Nagging, complaining, and presenting ultimatums will only lengthen the aforementioned phase or end everything altogether. If you choose to hang around, that too is a perfectly acceptable course of action but understand that if that door is chosen, you possess limited input rights because you have knowingly chosen to continue without a title. A relationship without a title makes commitment optional.

Thanks for checking in the game with Just GQ! We have made MAJOR strides on JustGQ.com, which is nearing its launch date! Please leave your comments and STAY TUNED for more Just GQ! God Bless!

The Big Green Monster

Commonly visited themes in all aspects of life, jealousy and envy manifest in those with slow trigger fingers on the 12-gauge that is opportunity (please excuse the violent reference). The reasons for missed or failed opportunity vary as people’s personalities often do, however the jealousy and envy seeps in following the actual action or lack there of occurs. First, let’s decipher between these two terms, as 94.43% of the human population does not truly know the difference. Jealousy refers to overly intensive protection of something that is YOURS, whereas envy refers to feelings of intense desire to have something that belongs to SOMEONE ELSE, like a material possession, achievements, status, or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Uh oh. *Approaches scorer’s table* Time to check in! (sounds horn)

Disclaimer: No names have been used to protect the identities of the involved parties.

Once upon a time, I had an ex-girlfriend (shocking, right?), and this particular ex-girlfriend was no good for me from the jump, probably a solid reason as to why she is my ex. She displayed jealous behavior the ENTIRE time we talked and became envious afterwards. I mean she is, to this day, manipulative, two-faced, and dishonest. Yeah, I think that is a pretty accurate depiction.

In addition to my ex-girlfriends, I have acquired a number of pseudo exes over the years. What is a pseudo ex, you ask? Well, in the new age of dating, where men and women act as though they retain either an allergy to or obsession with titles, pseudo exes describe those who serve as the “pretty much” boyfriend or girlfriend.

After breaking up with these two classes of exes, friendship can ensue, but whether that friendship is of genuine or circumstantial nature fails to be seen until one or both parties move onto new interests. At this point, behaviors may alter, as facades disappear and true motives become revealed. In the case of my aforementioned ex, she seemed to pack sabotage in her purse every time I saw her after the break-up. When she saw me with another girl, she caused scenes to transfer the focus to her. When I got a new girl, she talked bad about her to anyone who had ears and provided the FedEx “same day” delivery of nasty looks whenever possible.

I have also, like many others, been on the receiving end of the comments, looks, etc. I will admit, though, the salty ex-boyfriend, or SXBF for the sake of saving characters, has always impressed me as quite the comedic character, which a large part of why I cannot allow myself to be that guy. The SXBF is pretty much, an overly emotional sucker, in my opinion, and while every man plays this role at least once, the important thing to remember is to NOT REPEAT that behavior because you look weak very weak!

When one’s mental capacity succumbs to envy, his/her ability to progress becomes paralyzed, and regret, progression’s antagonist, takes over. The person who writhes in envy allows their actions and emotions to be propelled by the regret of missed opportunity. If you see that someone wants to be in your spot, simply recognize it as envy and continue on, failing to acknowledge the cry for attention. When people feel as though they need to put on a performance for you, that is, essentially, the proverbial white flag waving, proclaiming you as the victor. The key lies in progression versus regression. Do not view someone else’s happiness with disgust because when your disgust monopolizes your focus, YOU LOSE!

Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Leave your comments on the blog, and stay tuned for more posts! God Bless!