Monday, October 4, 2010

"What Makes A Man Commit"

During my limited leisure time, I frequently drift into the sultry selections of my iTunes while perusing other blogs providing views similar and/or contrary to my own on an array of subjects.  Recently, I came across an article by an insightful writer by the name of @WisdomIsMisery (follow him on Twitter!) entitled "What Makes A Man Commit". Per his permission, I leaped at the opportunity to share some of his sentiments with my JustGQ readers! 

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" When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

I concur. Getting a man to commit is like getting hit by lightening, you just have to be at the right place at the right time. Word to big bird. Let me explain why.
Most women spend the greater part of their post-pubescent lives thinking of the qualities they would like in their man. I’m not saying they’re obsessed with it but women tend to  have an idea of what they want in a man because they’ve been thinking about it longer than men have been thinking about what they want in a woman. Namely, because men spend about 3 – 12 months thinking about what they want. In addition, it’s usually when they’ve already found ‘The One.’ In other words, they begin asking themselves, “Can I see myself with THIS woman?” not “What kind of woman am I looking for?”
This might have to do with the nature of dating. Women get approached and men approach. Therefore, women need to be more intuitive in what they want; whereas, men just have to receive reciprocity (Lauryn Hill!). In layman’s terms, most men go out looking for s*x and sometimes they find a relationship along the way. Women assess relationship potential and sometimes they have s*x.
There are two additional factors:

Factor #1) Women tend to have specific criteria. Using myself as an example, I cannot come up with 10 things I need in a woman. I can barely come up with 10 things I want. My list basically goes like this:

1) Be attractive……
Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like
1a) Intelligence
1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.
1c) see #1.

That’s it. If a woman has those qualities, I’m happy. Anything in addition to #1 is a BONUS to me.
On the other hand, I have women friends who have very specific criteria:

1) Must be this height
2) Have a college degree
3) Be this race
4) Have this belief in God; and
5) – 100) etc. etc.

More importantly, they wont stray from the list. It’s either all or nothing.
So there may be ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but women fish with a specific bait for a specific fish; men fish with a net and decipher between the keepers later.

Factor #2) In WIM’s humble opinion, women have difficulties finding all the qualities they want in one man. Men have difficulty accepting all they want in one woman. In other words, men say they want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” but then can’t handle this in one woman. As a result, they’ll have two (or more) women for each role. The one they can respect as a woman (the main) and the one they can respect as a freak (the side chick). Not only is this unfair to the women, it reinforces that (some) men can’t handle what they desire."

Thank you for checking in the GAME with Just GQ and my featured guest, Wisdom Is Misery.  Check out his blog ( and follow him on twitter (@wisdomismisery)! Stay tuned as a JustGQ post will be coming later in the week.  Hit the JustGQ e-mail (, or feel free to leave questions and/or comments on the blog.  God Bless!


  1. I have read a few of your blogs and I find them all interesting and well written. I especially enjoyed this one, and I found your criteria for a woman hilarious!
    -Ashley Powers

  2. I couldn't disagree with this more. If you have difficult excepting all you want in one woman your clearly not a "MAN" yet. Consider yourself still a young person... or better yet, young minded (for there are Males 40+ with this problem) If your ever have a problem excepting ANYONE its probably because you haven't learned to love and except yourself. And that the first step to having a clue about what you want, desire and NEED in a mate.

    Lets talk about real men for a second.
    A real Man know what he wants and actively peruses it. Its in their nature. Real man have dreams, goals, aspirations, and wont allow just anyone to share the fruits of his labors.

    If u can barely could up with ten things you want in a female (that's embarrassing) What do you think about...wait, your not. You cant be really thinking. at least not with your brain. You have no plan, and ultimately you plan to fail in relationship matters. This is exactly why divorce rates are so high. I guess you plan on being a statistic boo.

    Let me give you some advice. Get a piece of paper.. and WRITE down things you want, cuz its hard to create a dream in one sitting. And THINK. Think about what it would take for someone to connect with you and many different levels like.. Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, Cultural, Social, Financial, Material, Financial, Relational, Sexual.... That is what makes long-last situations.

    Think about that you want your futrue to look likefor you and your family. How your grew up, like & dilikes.
    The women: Does she need to be:
    funny, laid-back, aggressive? do you want Kids? Yes? so she need to be a mother.. You want a good mother for your kids? Really? well what is a "good mother" to you. What qualities with that consist of.

    I hate to see my young black brothers chasing a "big booty and a smile" Cuz to make it last its take alot more than a giggling ass. smh

  3. Colby-

    Your exactly right JMac. I never end up with Ms. Right its strictly Ms. Right now. Men are typically, as myself opportunistic. Most tend to lean for women when in need and usually is just a temporary fix for the situation. Like yourself I cant call my criteria a list because its simply 1. Attractive. However, beauty fades and I guess with age you have to fill out the list. I assume that as I grow in God and into myself with age that my list will expand however.