Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I’ll Just Wait..

Some call it being “fast”, while others feel it may be “unladylike” or not their responsibility. Whatever the reason, a class of women exists who lean on the thought process that “if he wants you, he will come get you.” (sigh) Now, while the aforementioned thought process does hold a degree of truth, please excuse my partisan opinion on this matter. This has been a MAJOR pet peeve of mine since I started dating, mostly because I am of the “don’t chase because chicks choose” team.

As I reminisce about the 15 year old version of myself, I remember meeting a girl. Let’s call her Savannah. Savannah, an attractive high school sophomore, was sought after by numerous guys in our and neighboring high schools. Following an introduction of Savannah to 15 year old me, we struck a conversation founded on common interests, which created a mutual desire to continue conversing at a later time, and with that, I suggested that we exchange numbers. Now, I will level with you all, since as far back as I can remember, I have been getting numbers, and for that same amount of time, I have RARELY been calling (I know, I know). However, this has not been an intentional habit, simply a consistent slippage of the mind, if you will, although, I did, eventually, call Savannah and we spoke for a standard 20-30 minute “getting to know you” phone call.

A couple days after our phone conversation, Savannah approached my locker and said, “I need to talk to you, call me tonight.” I replied by asking, “Why would I call you when you want to talk?” It was at that point that Savannah broke down the dynamics of her thought process, which yielded the rule of “ladies” needing to do nothing to show interest and should wait idly until they are fully pursued, and when I say “wait idly”, I mean performing nothing but ambiguous signs that can easily be misconstrued as friendly interaction.

Please do not mistake my stance on this issue as a plea to the female gender to act in an obsessive and/or promiscuous manner. My main beef with this state of thought correlates with the denseness of the male species. Men are utterly oblivious to hints, so thinking that indistinct actions will catch our attention is futile. Guys need billboards to get the message, so if you are sending middle school notes, you may get overlooked, and if that does occur, it is not his fault. You cannot blame someone for what they do not know.

Secondly, it is 2011; if women are equal and independent in EVERY other sense, then, surely, suggesting a phone number exchange or even a meeting of some sort (dinner, drinks, etc.) would be well within the expected capabilities. Do NOT miss out on potentially great relationships because of a refusal to take matters into your own hands! It does not make you fast (within reason); it shows initiative in pursuing what you want! If he wants you, he will make it happen. This is true, but the same truth applies on the other end.

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  1. Thanks for the comment.. Acknowledgement of feelings is all I ask. All too often, I feel at least, ladies will claim to want someone for whatever array of reasons but refuse to so much as look his way when he is around. Then they blame him for not knowing how she felt and acting accordingly, which is not fair at all. I fully agree with the courtship process, and I equally feel that more of that needs to take place. However, silence leads to being overlooked. We just need a heads up.

  2. P.S. I sincerely apologize for accidentally deleting your comment, Keli.

  3. Keli's comment:

    The good book says, "A man that finds a wife, finds a good thing..." We discussed this just in church this Sunday. My pastor (who is only 28) made the following statement, "Ladies don't go out looking for a man... because you will always have to chase him."

    And that's how I feel at this point of my life. It seems that when I have to be the aggressor initially, I will always have to play that part. I am an independent woman who is traditional by design... I will let you know I'm interested, but I do expect to be courted.

    I will do more than drop hints... I will flat out let you know how I feel, but from that point on I need you to call the plays.

  4. Great blog post. I loved it. And I'm with Kelli - I don't mind putting my feelings out there but I don't want to play the guy forever. I'm a little hesitant to make it easy on the guy in the beginning because guys can be (not always) lazy and I don't want to have to do all the work, all the time. Does that makes sense? Anyway, I thought what you said made tons of sense and I appreciated it.


  5. Thank you for your comment as well, Becca. I completely agree that all the responsibility should not be set in the lady's lap, however there are a number of circumstances that would yield a guy's oversight of someone sitting idly by with NO proclamation of interest. Granted, that is not what you alluded to, but I just wanted to let that be known.. Lol.. I agree, though, that putting feelings on the table is a great starting point.