Monday, March 28, 2011

No Cuffing Zone

I thought we could take a break from the Just GQ Get Right posts, so I could talk to you about something else for a little bit. Is that cool with you? Thanks. I appreciate it.

Now, I have never been shy about being a member of Team “Don’t Chase ‘cuz Chicks Choose”, and I am equally adamant about not co-signing guys who suffocate girls without being in a relationship—suffocation, at that point, seems to be greatly subjective, as a number of girls may enjoy that type of stalker-ish, 24/7, “I see you” attention. Lol—but seriously.

Many of you probably identify this construct by its slang term, “handcuffing” or simply “cuffing”, a practice in which you may or may not have engaged. My particular disgust with this ties to the fact that I believe this stems from insecurity projected onto other people. While the ladies contain full capacity for this type of behavior, for the sake of multiple pronouns and character space, I will speak from to male perspective.

I, personally, feel that possessive guys may as well wear a sign that says, “I know you could probably take my girl, and since I know that, and you know that, and you know that I know that you know that, I will be cuffing her and she will not leave my side for the entire night!” Weak, right? The conveyance of this insecurity not only appears apparent to the perceived adversary but to the significant other, as well. No one enjoys being suffocated. That is why we are taught to keep plastic bags from over our heads early in life. Think on that!

Cuffing, also, explicitly displays a sense of distrust in regards to the partner. When someone truly feels comfortable within a relationship, he feels no need to provide ‘round the clock surveillance because he feels genuinely secure in knowing, “I am the better deal, and even if she was lured away, she is dumb for that. I would be able to re-up pretty quickly, anyway.”

This attitude, which I admittedly adopted around the time of my sophomore year of high school, flirts dangerously with the line between a cool nonchalance and emotional numbness. I believe there is a time and place for emotional numbness, however toting an icebox in your chest like the Grinch or 2007 Omarion can completely disable someone from taking part in significant, constructive, and lasting relationships, which I later learned, as well.

Balance is the key, similar to so many other scenarios; one can care and invest without suffocating and/or monitoring the other person like an inmate at Alcatraz. If the trust presents the actual issue, then a greater problem exists, which should be addressed to preserve the relationship, if it is, indeed, worth saving.

As always, I encourage you to leave your questions and comments, as you know I respond and enjoy a bit of intellectual banter. You can, also, mosey on over to for more Just GQ! Stay tuned for more posts, and thanks for checking in the GAME! GOD BLESS YOU!


  1. Sooo many people (men AND women) NEED to read this! I don't get why some men have to be suffocating. I was in this type of relationship for almost 2 years. He couldn't handle that I got attention when we were out. But if you're truly confident in the relationship, there would't be a need to be connected at the hip.
    The time spent in that relationship was exhausting and has caused me to adopt the "emotional numbness" as well. And most guys don't like (Which may be why I remain single, oh well) Since I'm not fawning all over them, they assume I'm not interested. I'm not the type of girl to suffocate, so I don't want a man like that either.

  2. First, thank you for commenting. I am happy that you enjoyed reading the post. My experiences have been fairly similar in suffocating relationships. Simply too exhausting to continue.

    In regards to the second portion of your comment, that emotional numbness is a slippery slope. I say be very careful with that, and please understand that any dude with sense is not going to continue in pursuit if it is not getting him anywhere.