"What Makes A Man Commit"

During my limited leisure time, I frequently drift into the sultry selections of my iTunes while perusing other blogs providing views similar and/or contrary to my own on an array of subjects.  Recently, I came across an article by an insightful writer by the name of @WisdomIsMisery (follow him on Twitter!) entitled "What Makes A Man Commit". Per his permission, I leaped at the opportunity to share some of his sentiments with my JustGQ readers! 

Please approach the scorer's table, as it is time to CHECK IN! (Horn sounds..)

"Boissuq.com: When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

I concur. Getting a man to commit is like getting hit by lightening, you just have to be at the right place at the right time. Word to big bird. Let me explain why.

Most women spend the greater part of their post-pubescent lives thinking of the qualities they would like in their man. I’m not saying they’re obsessed with it but women tend to  have an idea of what they want in a man because they’ve been thinking about it longer than men have been thinking about what they want in a woman. Namely, because men spend about 3 – 12 months thinking about what they want. In addition, it’s usually when they’ve already found ‘The One.’ In other words, they begin asking themselves, “Can I see myself with THIS woman?” not “What kind of woman am I looking for?”

This might have to do with the nature of dating. Women get approached and men approach. Therefore, women need to be more intuitive in what they want; whereas, men just have to receive reciprocity (Lauryn Hill!). In layman’s terms, most men go out looking for s*x and sometimes they find a relationship along the way. Women assess relationship potential and sometimes they have s*x.

There are two additional factors:

Factor #1) Women tend to have specific criteria. Using myself as an example, I cannot come up with 10 things I need in a woman. I can barely come up with 10 things I want. My list basically goes like this:

1) Be attractive……

Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like

1a) Intelligence

1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.

1c) see #1.

That’s it. If a woman has those qualities, I’m happy. Anything in addition to #1 is a BONUS to me.

On the other hand, I have women friends who have very specific criteria:

1) Must be this height

2) Have a college degree

3) Be this race

4) Have this belief in God; and

5) – 100) etc. etc.

More importantly, they wont stray from the list. It’s either all or nothing.

So there may be ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but women fish with a specific bait for a specific fish; men fish with a net and decipher between the keepers later.

Factor #2) In WIM’s humble opinion, women have difficulties finding all the qualities they want in one man. Men have difficulty accepting all they want in one woman. In other words, men say they want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” but then can’t handle this in one woman. As a result, they’ll have two (or more) women for each role. The one they can respect as a woman (the main) and the one they can respect as a freak (the side chick). Not only is this unfair to the women, it reinforces that (some) men can’t handle what they desire."

Thank you for checking in the GAME with Just GQ and my featured guest, Wisdom Is Misery.  Check out his blog (wisdomismisery.com) and follow him on twitter (@wisdomismisery)! Stay tuned as a JustGQ post will be coming later in the week.  Hit the JustGQ e-mail (JustGQ50@gmail.com), or feel free to leave questions and/or comments on the blog.  God Bless!

A Letter To My Brother

Daniel,

It had only been a week since we last spoke, but I wish I could call you and just hear you answer now. To us, selfishly, you were taken too early, but in our hearts we know that you are seated at the table with Our Father, and for that I am thankful.  While that may comfort us in our knowledge of your current, heavenly state, it still does not discontinue an occasional tear drop as memories consume us in the void your enormous presence vacated.

You are my brother; bonded on many levels, and I love you as such.  We competed as brothers, argued as brothers, and kicked it as brothers, lifting each other up and always looking out for one another.  In the last week, I have been bombarded by memories of times we shared and been surrounded by loved ones, who all love you. I am truly indebted to you as you were and continue to be responsible for expanding my circle of family and life friends. Thank you for welcoming me into your family and inner circle.

Your influence on people continues on in a major way as shown by the massive turnout you drew at your last party. Thank you for being a genuinely kind person, one who stood up for people and shamelessly loved to enjoy life with those who meant most to you. Daniel, I am going to miss you terribly; we all are.  I love you, Bro. Until I see you again, my brother.

What, exactly, IS A Good Relationship?

Quite frequently when I speak with women and men alike, both express the desire to be in a “good relationship” with a “good man/woman”, and quite frequently these sentiments leave me confused with a vague impression of what, precisely, qualifies, as a “good relationship with a good man/woman”.  So, naturally, I channeled Sherlock and good ole’ Watson and began to ask some questions.  What exactly makes a good relationship?  Is it the time the relationship occupies? Must it be longer than a year, two years, or result in marriage?  Are all marriages portraits of good relationships? 

During my investigation, I spoke with my high school sweetheart. Now, to give a little insight, my high school sweetheart was really the first girl to have me open and helplessly falling in love.  She was ALSO the only girl to truly break my heart (cue the AWWW!).  Since we broke up my freshman year, we have had sparing conversation as she has continued with her life, and I have done likewise.  BUT, in this conversation, the gratitude that I felt for our relationship was more apparent than ever because as I explored my past adolescent feelings I, once, had for this young woman, I realized the lessons I learned through that relationship.

As I matured past the hurt of a young boy’s first heartbreak, I saw the manner in which we interacted, and I could identify what it would take for ladies to check in the game with Just GQ in the future.  Feel me?  I learned NOT TO SETTLE and learned what makes a relationship good to me, personally, which are some of the most important relationship lessons I have learned in my short existence. 

Personally, I qualify a foundation of friendship, genuine care for the other’s well-being, attraction/chemistry (personality and physical), compromise, and understanding as the makings of a good relationship.  More specifically, I categorize my relationship with my high school sweetheart as a “good relationship” because it allowed me to LEARN and GROW as a person, so I could better contribute to future productive relationships.  Growth holds pivotal importance in surroundings saturated with bitter people who refuse to take mature stances acknowledging poor personal decisions, which assisted in the demises of relationships past.

Dare to be DIFFERENT, and LEARN from past experiences to facilitate your GROWTH!  Thank YOU for checking in the GAME with Just GQ and for helping the blog grow in popularity! Keep CHECKING IN as I will keep serving up the topics about which you want to hear!

Heisman Striptease?

The speculation of Reggie Bush being stripped of his Heisman trophy drenched today’s sports news headlines.  The decision is pending due to a meeting (to occur by the end of September) of the Heisman Trust, a committee of a seven, pro bono, trustees who “are guided by a devotion to college football and are committed to community service and the valued tradition which the Trophy represents” (heisman.com).  If the Trust strips Bush, now an impact player for the Super Bowl champion New Orleans Saints, this would be the first instance of this EVER happening in the 75-year history of the award.  The hinge of the debate hangs upon the rule stating the award shall be received by an eligible player, a title of which five years later, Bush was deemed unworthy.

In an era engulfed by performance enhancing drugs, it is baffling that this issue holds the weight it does.  Bush utilized NONE of the drugs ingested by dozens of impact baseball players who are commonly accused, convicted, and forgiven prior to receiving the “hero” tag they wore once before, and claiming Reggie Bush as the FIRST and/or ONLY college football player/Heisman winner to receive “extra benefits” would be a far cry from reality.  More accepted fact lies in the purpose of the Heisman trophy, which is to recognize and honor the most outstanding player in college football.  In 2005, that was Reggie Bush.

In the midst of a USC dynasty, Reggie Bush shined brightly among a cornucopia of highly regarded NFL draft picks.  During his 2005 campaign, which ended in status as the nation’s number two team, Bush rushed for 1,740 yards and 17 total TDs, and he tallied a whopping 42 TDs in three years at USC!  Need I remind everyone that, numbers aside, Reggie Bush is arguably THE MOST DYNAMIC college football player EVER! 

As far as the Heisman trophy is concerned, voters and nonvoters alike shared my sentiments as Bush racked up the HIGHEST percentage of first place votes in the history of the Heisman trophy (84%) in a landslide vote placing him above Vince Young, who would later undo the USC powerhouse in one of the greatest national championship games, and Matt Leinart, winner of the previous year’s Heisman.  Bush also won the Doak Walker, Walter Camp, and Pac-10 player of the year awards clearly crowning him the MOST OUTSTANDING PLAYER in college football during the 2004-2005 season.  Let’s not fall into a witch hunt plaguing Reggie Bush as the scapegoat for years of players receiving “extra benefits” and tip-toeing around NCAA regulations, while Matt Leinart cuddles his Heisman and Pete Carroll conveniently slid out of the backdoor to the pro ranks, which prior to now held limited appeal to him.

Press Forward!

Greetings Just GQ readers!  I apologize for my recent absence, but the subject of this Just GQ speaks to the reasoning for that.  I recently relocated in order to set the train holding my future plans on the tracks with the advancement of my education in a more concentrated fashion.  As I have continued my progression through the levels of self-evolution, I have realized that in order to achieve the goals you should have already set for yourself (and we spoke earlier about goal setting in a previous Just GQ), it is a MUST that you PRESS FORWARD!

Throughout the stages in the maturation process, people evolve in relation to their environments and what holds importance to them, and because of that relationships sometimes suffer.  I have been deemed selfish in multiple situations due to my apprehension to carry relationships with me as I have changed settings, and there are, as in every situation, pros and cons to this alternative.  I am a firm believer that as you strive for achievement it is PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE to be selfish, in terms of the distribution of focus on self as opposed to others because to be bluntly honest, relationships will come and go, and as they go if more concentration is placed on others than self, self-neglect takes place and the amount you have to contribute to a relationship becomes diminished. 

Conversely, as I have matured, I have realized that while the aforementioned sentiments remain true, there is a definite possibility that a significant other can enhance your progression rather than inhibit it.  Communication wears an appropriate suit in the majority of situations, and this scenario bears no exception.  There have been times when I have been hasty and stubborn in my reception to include others in the decisions I have made.  Typically, I would automatically outcast significant others upon the completion of the decision making process, and depending on the stage of life this practice may be a wise one, BUT perhaps an evaluation of the effect your significant other could have on your experience should be in order. 

How can you evaluate this, you ask?  Peruse your past experiences with this person.  How have you all interacted prior to this point?  Have they been supportive of your advancement, or have they caused more problems?  Are they understanding of your focus and the importance of attaining your goals?  As settings change and the path the dreams becomes realized, understanding and compromise on both ends play an extremely pivotal role, and at this point compromise checks in the game!  If you know your significant other has fundamental needs in their personality that must be satisfied in order to keep them happy, MAKE A REASONABLE EFFORT to satisfy these needs with priority and respect to the achievement for which you strive.  In regards to the other party, your UNDERSTANDING and SUPPORT are vital!  Encourage the person for whom you care deeply; be a rock on which they can lean as opposed to the trap of quicksand causing them to sink!  As support systems hold essential importance, it would not be intelligent to phase people out who may be helpful to your overall progression because as I shared with you in “Falling For the Future”, when support, compromise, and communication are present, “as they strive, you strive, and as they reach, you reach!”

Special thanks to all my Just GQ readers who continued to check in the GAME in my absence.  I truly appreciate it as Just GQ continues to mature in popularity.  God Bless!

Simple Chivalry

Just GQ strives to represent Gentleman Quality.  I designed the Just GQ brand to be all encompassing of the ideals I find important as well as exposing my fanbase to a new outlook on subjects in journalism.

Now, first and foremost, you all know I give ALL glory, honor, and praise to my Creator, the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in ALL I do.  Following that, I aim to promote the regeneration of chivalry.  I have been fortunate to interact with a cornucopia of people containing differing personality types and views on the practice of chivalry and overall treatment of people. 

The adversity I often encounter in discussions with my male peers centers around the degree to which they feel women deserve chivalry and the perceived associated effort  required.  Time to CHECK IN!

Reluctance To Chivalry

Chivalry often carries the deceased toe tag, and that can be explained, in part, by the adage “nice guys finish last.” Young men who strive to grow in becoming gentlemen are frequently considered to be “lame” by societal standards—standards that advocate the sub-par treatment of women and value the feeding of ignorance by the spoonful.  Think on THAT!  

During my high school years, the thug movement was in full effect, but during my time in college, I realized that the bad boy is only appealing until women recognize he is going nowhere fast, then she looks to the gentleman who has been on his grind in a more professional, less boisterous way.  In an effort to win the affection of girls fascinated by thug appeal, though, potential gentlemen may change their approach from a respectable manner, which often only wins friendship, to a method directed by arrogance and devalue, which strangely often translates into her tingling with desire to receive this treatment.  Go figure!

I recently took part in a conversation with a friend of mine who shared her view on the lack of men taking part in courting their love interests, a chivalrous practice.  She detailed instructions from her father to only to consider a man who courted her, but the custom of taking ladies out on dates in order to get to know them has been replaced by “You wanna come to the crib and chill? Maybe watch a movie?”  Frequently, I view guys chasing after ladies; serving up offers for mid-priced dates and unsolicited compliments like Roger Federer at Wimbeldon (SMH), and these women, who possess no interest in a man attempting to pursue her “properly”, take them for all they are worth; using them for date after date until the picture becomes clear that they are being dooped.  Now you tell me, who do you know that would sign up for the possibility of that?

But chivalry encompasses more than wooing a potential mate; chivalry is a lifestyle, a lifestyle that requires a renewing of mindset more so than great effort.  This leads me to think that while chivalry has appeared as an orphan in need of adoption, perhaps a reformation of the gentleman is in order!

~Drumroll PLEASE!~

The New Breed of Gentleman

I humbly propose the idea of a new breed of gentleman.  A breed who carries himself with a regal virility complete with a knowledge of the game and the best methods by which to play it; an all around nice guy with an edge, not simply swagger.  Swagger is a fad, and fads fade, but the gentleman is cool, and cool is forever!

Fellas: Incorporate simple chivalry into your daily routine; chivalry is not meant to be a strain on you, but a means to assert yourself as a gentleMAN!  Allow her to enter the room before you do while you hold the door open for her. If you see her carrying bags, offer to help her, and generate conversation while you help.  Chivalry is essentially the uncommon practice of common courtesy.  RENEW your mentality and change may occur!

Ladies: Be receptive to the gentleman.  Recognize when you are approached correctly, and develop the ability to distinguish common courtesy from pursuit!  It is possible for a man to speak to you without a hidden agenda!  Identify how you truly want to be treated, and seek that!  Avoid settling when you deserve better. 

Once again, thanks for CHECKING IN THE GAME with Just GQ!  See you later this week!  God Bless!

"Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady"

I realize I am slightly tardy in my consumption of the contents in this “relationship handbook”, but recently, I overcame my skepticism and read Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady written by Steve Harvey, one of the original Kings of Comedy.  Now, I will be the first to admit that my expectations for this selection were not lofty to say the least, BUT as the old adage often does, it proved true that you should never judge a book by its cover; of course literally in this instance.

Some of my followers on Twitter (@GQ50), commented, when I shared my progression through the pages, that the sentiments shared by Mr. Harvey were simply common sense, but ironically, common sense tends to seem less common everyday.  Personally, I found the conveyed messages to be pertinent to the female’s comprehension of the often irrational behavior and thought process of men.  The relevance of the material to the “tweener” or young adult age group was another shared critique I frequently heard, regarding the book, and while Steve Harvey, a middle aged man, wrote from his experiences and point of view, perhaps less attention should be paid to the minor details of his examples and more funds should be allocated to the overall fundamentals of the message.  While scenarios change, the fundamental principles of human interaction remain consistent.

I, humbly, recommend this book to all women searching for understanding regarding the male mentality, BUT when you gain knowledge do overestimate your prior astuteness on the very subject on which you sought further insight.  The same way men rarely fully understand women, the same rule applies to you; adherence to knowledge makes ignorance obsolete.  To conclude, I will highlight what I feel to be the least understood and, thus, the most vital points Mr. Harvey shared, but before we round the curve and hit the straight away, please know that just because you read relationship books and blogsites, and adopt the practices about which you read: 1) does not mean that a relationship will come from your efforts, and 2) if no relationship is spawned, it is NOT your fault.  A multitude of factors in the other party and your desire to interact with the other party affect your propensity of achieving a viable relationship through what you learned.  By adopting helpful practices and bettering yourself, you ready yourself to thrive in a sustainable relationship.

Highlights

1)    “What Drives Men”: ‘Who he is’, ‘What he does’, and ‘How much he makes’.  These three factors present the roadblock women encounter in their pursuit for monopoly of their men’s attention and focus.  I could not agree more.  Until satisfactory tracks have been laid in the direction of these three areas, his focus WILL and SHOULD NEVER be monopolized by you.  Why would you want to be the only egg in his only basket?  What does he bring to the relationship, and what does that say about you if you are willing to accept that?  Allow me to serve as interpreter.  It says a) I am not looking for anything serious, just attention and/or b) I have low standards; I can be your sponsor.  Is that what you truly desire?

2)    “Our Love Isn’t Like Your Love”: In this chapter, Mr. Harvey depicts the differences in the methods of love given by men and women.  He shares that women “have to stop heaping your own definition of love on men and recognize that men love differently.”  Just because his expression of feelings does not match the over-the-top, often mushy manifestation of your thoughts and emotions does NOT translate into “he doesn’t care about me”.  Most men exhibit their love, when present, in more subtle, practical manners.  Harvey cites professing, providing, and protecting as the actions that demonstrate men’s love.  In this matter, I concur to an extent.  While true, most men enjoy feeling needed and the actual desire to be needed and fulfillment of pseudo-responsibility could potentially mask these actions as love, BUT that is the exception to the rule because if a man does not want to be bothered with you, he will BY NO MEANS go out of his way to profess you as “his girl”, provide anything but meaningless conversation and empty sex, or protect you from a spider across the room that is not bothering you simply because you ask him.

3)    “Men Respect Standards—Get Some”: The title says it all.  As many times as I have debated otherwise, it shows pretty clearly that women ultimately control relationships and the speed at which they progress.  Men must first gauge what you will allow; if you present and truly maintain stiff standards, the lames will disqualify themselves because their intentions are not strong enough to balance the necessary effort.  The sentiments in this frank chapter are echoed in “The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets in Too Deep”; with the five questions being ‘what are your short term goals’, ‘what are your long term goals’, ‘what are your views on relationships’, ‘what do you think about me’, and ‘how do you feel about me’.  These questions should draw out the information for which women constantly reach, or at the least give you obvious insight into his psyche and thought process as far as you are concerned.

Furthermore, Mr. Harvey’s literary debut garnered my applause in addition to my recommendation.  To reiterate the aforementioned point, you are NOT necessarily to blame for a failed attempted relationship.  Two parties are involved, and neither is perfect.  A man’s failure to fully value what you offer does not reflect on your quality as a good woman, usually.  Not everyone is a good woman, though.  I think that should be said as well.

Thank you for checking in the GAME with the Just GQ blog!  Tell your friends about the blog when you read it, in fact, your homework is to tell at least 3 people about the Just GQ Experience!  See you next time!  God Bless Now, Forever, and ALWAYS!