Thank You, Twenty-Three

Education. Triumph. Trial. Tribulation. Achievement. These present only a slight snapshot of the components involved in one’s maturation as a person.  As I am on the brink of celebrating another year of life, which God has allowed me to see (PRAISE HIM!), I can unequivocally state that my Heavenly Father has granted me with a number of life lessons that have facilitated my progression as a man.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

Now, I am not saying that I exhibit the portrait of manhood because I do not. I, like everyone else should, strive to improve daily, but in a world filled with a number of questions and an unequal amount of answers, the ability to learn from mistakes holds invaluable importance.  I am not going to bore you with all the lessons I have learned during the past year and whatnot because I do not place the value of my experiences over yours, but I have experienced an array of events from vital steps take in the direction of my career to the untimely death of one of my best friends.

I will, however, share a few sentiments, which I hold close to me and attempt to adopt in my daily living.

1)    Praise Him & Have Faith! With the amount of uncertainty existing, everyone needs something solid to which they can hold. GOD IS THAT ROCK! Life is too short to not foster a viable relationship with the Creator.

2)    Value Those Around You! Cherish the people that bring joy to your life. Not to say that death will remove them from your life, but various factors cause people’s priorities and personalities to change, which alter relationships. Also, re-evaluate who is necessary in your life. Who lifts you up? Who brings you down? Who do YOU lift up? Who do YOU bring down?

3)    Adjust Your Focus & ACHIEVE! As we, undoubtedly, exist to PRAISE GOD and live according to His Will, what better way to bring GOD glory than to use the gifts with which He Blessed you to ACHIEVE in HIS NAME! Priorities provide direction, and constant evaluation of where your compass is leading you remains vital!

In summary, I am filled with immense gratitude for all that I have been afforded and will be afforded as I progress into true manhood as one of God’s children. Embrace struggle as success for it is in struggle that character is formed!

Thank you for CHECKING IN THE GAME WITH JUST GQ! I appreciate y’all letting me reflect and vent for a little bit. Stay tuned to Just GQ for more posts! God Bless!

Cheers To The Editor

“She say I'm too wild, she wanna tame me; I told her 'even Photoshop couldn't change me” -Drake

I interpreted this lyric to express a valuable sentiment in his verse on “Digital Girl”. For some strange reason, women often think they know what men mean better than men do.  Allow me to dispel this rumor at the beginning for those who need it spelled out for them.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM! SO DO NOT TRY!

KEEP IN MIND: Topics covered in Just GQ are RARELY gender specific. Lessons apply to EVERYONE!

Whew! I am happy we got that out of the way.  Basically, men evaluate a woman’s—hmm…let’s call it, “staying potential” within knowing her for about two quality interactions.  Your first impression is truly pivotal in the manner by which you are perceived.  Now, I am all too familiar with the thought process women adopt when they want to “fix him up” or “if I could just change this one thing”, but people’s behavior reflects habit. Thus, people must make a conscious effort to alter their habits in order for a change in behavior to occur AND REMAIN.  Your desire for someone to act in a different manner will more than likely not adopted and accepted by them in a genuine fashion. 

Most commonly, women believe they gain the success in changing him for which they longed because they observe temporary change.  Women, generally, recognize the aforementioned change as a proclamation of HIS shared desire to transform because HE felt this amendment to his behavior was necessary. In Layman’s terms, women think he changed because he wanted to, BUT the actuality of the situation (in most cases) is he changed because of the pressure she provided and it is nothing but a screensaver until the system reboots (Word to the nerds!). 

The other frequent attempt at change (outside of characteristic modification) occurs when one party avoids comprehending the message “I am not lookin for a girl/guy right now.”  During a conversation, I was told, “When guys tell girls they don’t want to be exclusive, girls just hear ‘TRY HARDER!’”  Pulling from my personal experiences, I have realized that through narcissistic proclamation, whether verbal or mental, when someone feels they are the better deal, they think you should feel the same.  This is a fallacy, for both males AND females.  Remember, ambiguity is clarity’s enemy, so when you are given a clear message, take it as such.

Word to the wise. Do not try to change people.  No one is perfect, however tolerance is key because there are, more than likely, some aspects of your personality that require toleration too.  If you cannot deal with the certain characteristics, go back to the store and continue shopping.  We have, now, reached the check out line. Lol.

Thank you for CHECKING IN THE GAME!  Thank you for continuing to check in on a regular basis. Stay tuned for more updates on Just GQ! God Bless!

The Return of Mr. Kanye West

Innovative creation or abstract confusion? These ideas embody the impressions left on viewers of Kanye West's new video showcased in a 35-minute short film, Runaway.  The video depicts a phoenix that crashes to earth in a fiery blaze before being rescued by Mr. West, who takes her (Selita Ebanks) to his house where he teaches her how to adapt to society.  Mr. West walks us through a number of new tracks, which debuted on the "G.O.O.D. Friday" series of his website (kanyewest.com), as he details the framework of societal norms.  The controversial musician, who also directed the project, utilizes the phoenix to symbolize the constraint on uniqueness in an environment slow to accept innovation and change.

While the project has received mix reviews, as Kanye West receives mixed reviews, one thing is certain.  Kanye West has undoubtedly expanded the spectrum through which we see the cohesion of music and art.  The exquisite use of imagery and alternate sources of conveyance are simply unavoidable when viewing this piece.  Mr. West's forward thinking dwarfs pop culture's common staples of money, cars, clothes, and objectifying women.  While the video displays a higher level of living and a beautiful woman (phoenix in this case), the portrayal is done so artistically and uncommonly.  Kudos to Mr. West. 

I, for one, CANNOT WAIT for the release of his newest project, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy", on November 22nd! Welkome Back, Mr. Kanye West! We missed you!

Just GQ Featured on www.WisdomIsMisery.com

Good afternoon Just GQ readers! I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit, if you do not mind, of course.  Just GQ is being featured on www.WisdomIsMisery.com RIGHT NOW! "Who Murdered Chivalry"! Check out @WisdomIsMisery's (follow him on twitter!) site and LEAVE COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS! CHECK IN THE GAME!

UNITE FOR DANIEL COVINGTON

In mid-September, my teammate, roommate, and friend, Daniel Covington was unjustly shot and killed in a racist attack (google "Daniel Covington").  The Covington family has reached out to ALL who knew Daniel to write letters to Commonwealth Attorney Dave Stengal to make sure they charge Isaiah Howes with the murder of Daniel Covington.  I am posting my letter as a template for ALL to follow.  PLEASE join me in writing a letter to deliver justice to my dear friend, his family, friends, and all know knew him! Send your letters by FRIDAY PLEASE!


Send letter to:
Louisville Metro Commonwealth Attorney Dave Stengel

514 W. Liberty St. Ste. 240

Louisville, KY 40202

and send duplicate letter to:

The Justice Resource Center

115 Steedly Drive

Louisville, KY 40214

"Attorney Stengal:

With the abundance of emotional outpour in Louisville, Lexington, and the state, as a whole, the immense impact Daniel Covington had on the people with whom he came in contact is clearly apparent.  Daniel has been repeatedly characterized as a God-fearing, ambitious, caring, selfless, and peaceful gentleman who loved volunteering his time to children (BEFORE and after his untimely death).  The uproar by those, who even, only met Daniel once, when the initial reports detailed his ALLEGED actions pales in comparison to the character references of the killer, Isaiah Howes. 

Merriam-Webster defines “character” as “the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person”.  Daniel distinguished himself in a manner that sparked outrage when details inconsistent with his character were INCORRECTLY conveyed.  Howes, on the other hand, possesses a laundry list of prior illegal instances including weapons, DUI, drugs, disrespecting authorities, and most importantly VIOLENCE (both under the influence AND not).  Where was the outrage when these reports were released?  When behavior is consistent, it becomes expected.  Howes has made a habit of substance abuse and belligerent violence, and regardless of whom his father is, the perceived objectives of the justice system remain constant; to provide justice and preserve order and safety.

I implore you; CHARGE Isaiah Howes with the murder of Daniel Covington WITHOUT the umbrella of self-defense.   Since when is it acceptable to harass others, bombarding them with a barrage of racial slurs?  Since when is it acceptable to SHOOT someone dead in a fist fight instigated by the shooter? How is it feasible for one man to beat up two men, one of whom is larger than him, through an SUV window?  What effect will this have on the public perception of self-defense and freedom to fire without consequence?  I charge you to answer these questions, consider the implications of this incident, and deliver justice for a mourning mother, family, and community.  Thank you and GOD bless!

Best regards,

(Name here)

My relationship to Daniel: Friend, U of L Football Teammate (2005-2009), and Roommate"

LET'S GO! UNITE FOR DANIEL COVINGTON! 

Too Perfect To Play

I, once, heard that women are confusing, but men are complicated.  I understood this to mean that women’s behaviors may never make sense to men, no matter how hard we try to decode and empathize, but with men, you can, at least, grasp what we do and why we do it, whether right or wrong.  For the most part, I agree except for what I call the “Too Perfect Complex”.  The too perfect complex identifies the propensity of men to run from something that is “too good.”  As the majority of women desire love whenever Cupid shows his face, men possess a need to be prepared for a dance with the bow and arrow toting, naked baby. 

Meet Dick and Jane.

Dick and Jane had only officially met once, but they had a number of mutual friends who caused them to be in the same places at the same times.  Dick can only be described as a man’s man, the life of the party.  He had always encountered women pining for his affection, while he rarely took them seriously, as he, like other young men, was just having fun.  Jane, an attractive and ambitious woman, remained focused on her progression through school and work while taking rare breaks to have fun but NEVER allowing any man to distract her.  Jane, like the majority of women, longed to be loved, romantically, and had been a phenomenal girlfriend in the past, with only rising value as she shined amongst the shortage of attractive, intelligent women striving for success.

During a mutual friend’s cookout, Dick and Jane interacted on a more intimate level, this time with general conversation, jovial joking, and innocent flirting, which progressed to intrigue. 

FAST FORWARD!

Three months later, in addition to attraction, Dick and Jane have established a genuine mutual care for one another, but had not yet become exclusive.  As the period of time, which men are generally allotted by female counterparts to avoid commitment, neared its conclusion, voices of descent (i.e. her hating friends) begin to arise.  “Girl, how come y’all not official yet?” “Mm hmm. I would NOT let him test drive the car if he ain’t buyin’!”

First off, tell those heffers to kick rocks. STRAIGHT UP! Now back to the story!

Influenced by the sentiments of her friends, Jane approached Dick with the dreaded, “so when are we going to be together?” When confronted with this question, Dick evaluated what he desired in a mate, and he identified everything he wanted in Jane.  Seems like a go, right? WRONG! Dick, then, panicked and felt that he must remove himself from the situation, as Jane’s, inevitable ultimatum drew closer. You see, as I have shared in earlier blogs, an entry into a relationship, on the man’s part, must be an internal decision and NOT one that can be 100% influenced by a woman, no matter how many meals she cooks, rooms she cleans, or “special nights” she plans. Both parties must migrate to exclusivity on their own terms, but women usually happen to reach that destination more quickly than men.

Sometimes it is about the timing; Dick wanted to be with Jane, just not at that moment, and NO ONE is at fault.  Dick perceived a potential relationship with Jane as one that would have been of great substance, and his desire to be prepared and willing to HAPPILY commit outweighed his sensitivity to her wanting him to commit ready or not (SHOUTOUT TO THE FUGEES! LOL..).  At times, women do not appreciate when they are treated as classy, respectable ladies instead being thrown onto a team, where she will receive only a fraction of the attention, affection, and consideration that she wants, needs, and, most importantly, deserves.

Thanks for CHECKING IN THE GAME! Leave your comments and questions just below the entry, and STAY TUNED for more Just GQ! GOD BLESS!

"What Makes A Man Commit"

During my limited leisure time, I frequently drift into the sultry selections of my iTunes while perusing other blogs providing views similar and/or contrary to my own on an array of subjects.  Recently, I came across an article by an insightful writer by the name of @WisdomIsMisery (follow him on Twitter!) entitled "What Makes A Man Commit". Per his permission, I leaped at the opportunity to share some of his sentiments with my JustGQ readers! 

Please approach the scorer's table, as it is time to CHECK IN! (Horn sounds..)

"Boissuq.com: When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

I concur. Getting a man to commit is like getting hit by lightening, you just have to be at the right place at the right time. Word to big bird. Let me explain why.

Most women spend the greater part of their post-pubescent lives thinking of the qualities they would like in their man. I’m not saying they’re obsessed with it but women tend to  have an idea of what they want in a man because they’ve been thinking about it longer than men have been thinking about what they want in a woman. Namely, because men spend about 3 – 12 months thinking about what they want. In addition, it’s usually when they’ve already found ‘The One.’ In other words, they begin asking themselves, “Can I see myself with THIS woman?” not “What kind of woman am I looking for?”

This might have to do with the nature of dating. Women get approached and men approach. Therefore, women need to be more intuitive in what they want; whereas, men just have to receive reciprocity (Lauryn Hill!). In layman’s terms, most men go out looking for s*x and sometimes they find a relationship along the way. Women assess relationship potential and sometimes they have s*x.

There are two additional factors:

Factor #1) Women tend to have specific criteria. Using myself as an example, I cannot come up with 10 things I need in a woman. I can barely come up with 10 things I want. My list basically goes like this:

1) Be attractive……

Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like

1a) Intelligence

1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.

1c) see #1.

That’s it. If a woman has those qualities, I’m happy. Anything in addition to #1 is a BONUS to me.

On the other hand, I have women friends who have very specific criteria:

1) Must be this height

2) Have a college degree

3) Be this race

4) Have this belief in God; and

5) – 100) etc. etc.

More importantly, they wont stray from the list. It’s either all or nothing.

So there may be ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but women fish with a specific bait for a specific fish; men fish with a net and decipher between the keepers later.

Factor #2) In WIM’s humble opinion, women have difficulties finding all the qualities they want in one man. Men have difficulty accepting all they want in one woman. In other words, men say they want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” but then can’t handle this in one woman. As a result, they’ll have two (or more) women for each role. The one they can respect as a woman (the main) and the one they can respect as a freak (the side chick). Not only is this unfair to the women, it reinforces that (some) men can’t handle what they desire."

Thank you for checking in the GAME with Just GQ and my featured guest, Wisdom Is Misery.  Check out his blog (wisdomismisery.com) and follow him on twitter (@wisdomismisery)! Stay tuned as a JustGQ post will be coming later in the week.  Hit the JustGQ e-mail (JustGQ50@gmail.com), or feel free to leave questions and/or comments on the blog.  God Bless!